Logline for "Truthies"
I love the opener but the button of 'dark forces gather to kill him' comes out of nowhere and seems unrelated.
Comp wise it sounds like it’s fall between “Liar, Liar and Dave”
Of course I may be dating myself by saying that. 🙂
The way this is phrased makes it sound like the dark forces are the protagonists. For loglines, best thing to do is introduce the situation and/or the protagonist, then talk about the forces the protagonist must overcome. The idea is definitely there, but make the protagonist more active in this scenario.
Could you provide a little more information so I can better understand how to help you refine your logline?
A few questions I have for background detail:
Are the president's followers civilians he infected with the truth-telling virus? What is the origin of the truth-telling virus? Could you elaborate on the term "dark forces?" I'm assuming you mean something otherworldly. What interest do they have in killing the president? What information are they trying to prevent him from sharing? What would be the ramifications if the word got out?
It's a very intriguing premise and I hope you're enjoying the process. Don't hesitate to ask more questions. We're all here to help 🙂
This sounds hilarious! Kinda a cross between Liar, Liar, and Dave.
Maybe getting it to one sentence will tighten it up a bit. For example, When the President is infected with a contagious virus that forces him to tell the truth, his own political party tries to stop him before he gives all our national secrets away.
Just making this up, but I think you get my drift. Great job!
As dark forces conspire to kill the American President after he’s infected with a contagious virus that forces him to tell the truth.
The American President is infected with a contagious virus that forces him to tell the truth, and politician forced to be truthful finds himself surrounded he deadly enemies.
Thank you, sir!